bohemiantea-scorpiocoffee:

Turns out I have more to say than what I said last night about Dorian and fandom’s treatment of him. A lot more to say. And if this angers some otherwise well-meaning people, so be it. You may be great allies in every other respect, so I’m going to ask y’all to remain a good ally by listening and considering this really carefully. This may seem like no big deal to you, but that’s also precisely why I’m speaking out. Fandom has a big problem with making light and if I can reach at least one person, then I count this to the good.

I am sick to my teeth of Dorian being every straight female character’s “best friend.” Every example I’ve seen hasn’t been a friend. He’s been there to comment on and help with relationship advice and clothes. He’s the Inquisition’s “Dear Abby” without a single consideration of his concerns and fears. If you treated a real friend like that, they’d be tired of your shit tout-fucking-suite because you don’t give back. It’s all about you.

But Tea! I can hear: My character is the focus of the game! The focus of my fic! Well darlin’, we’re all the MCs of our own lives but we also ask other people how they’re doing and feeling. “But it’s just a game! Wish fulfillment!” Okay, your wish is to run roughshod over others because you’re grasping for power you don’t have in your own life? How is it other people with the same problem manage to have headcanons about characters or write fic that treats them with respect?

Do I really need to bring up how gay characters are already treated in media? Do I need to pull out some college 101 on queer representation in media? It’s easily found with a search engine, I assure you.

You can also hear it from your bi and gay friends if you have any. Go on: ask them what they have seen and how they feel about it. Prepare for an uneasy laugh and “you sure you got the time?” Because we have lots of thoughts and feelings on this and rarely are they good. We lose our shit at good rep because it’s so rare.

Bi and gay relationships are glossed over, made light of, tortured, killed, turned into a painful plot point, and otherwise abused to the point that seeing a healthy queer relationship in media that isn’t lampooned or erased in some way is a holy fucking grail. Because there are still people who don’t want to look at us like we’re real people. We can’t love or suddenly that “sinful lifestyle” can’t be demonized or fetishized anymore. Don’t put that in media or people might think this is a normal and acceptable thing that actually happens! The horror!

Gay characters used to be coded as villains or comedy relief. No one ever said they were gay, but if they were very effeminate? Never romantic with a woman? (Ooh but hugging their best lady friend was fine, someone will soon throw out a one-liner.) They were gay. Gay gay gay gaaaaaayyy. Watch the original “Lost In Space.” Our man got villain *and* comedy. But don’t you dare show them in a relationship. The censors won’t allow it.

So you tell me: with queer folks watching this bullshit play out in media we all consume, day in and day out, just where do you think we’re suddenly going to have scores of wisdom and patience about your relationships? We’re barely figuring out our own shit. The “disaster gay” is often too fucking real, though passed off as another joke we make about ourselves because otherwise we might cry. Straight folks have had hundreds of years at this, and you still don’t have your shit figured but we can fix it? Listen: Queer Eye is a very recent phenomenon. We make it look like we got it together because we’ve had to pull our own little communities together to do so – no one else had the time to give us.

What makes you think that Dorian, whose own “loving” father had no time for his gayness, who has had to have brief liaisons in Tevinter because his countrymen don’t support being gay, who is *afraid to love* because of all that and is lonely in a foreign country, has words of relationship wisdom for your disaster straight girl OC? He comments, so what. Sera does too. So does Cole (and there’s a related rant as well). You’re Dorian’s only fucking friend – he *tells you this* at the end of the game and that breaks my heart – and friends will comment on shit that make you happy sometimes.

It’s long past time fandom starts treating Dorian like a real friend. Not because a fictional character is gonna get hurt feels, but because other queer fans are watching this shit and getting bitter from the constant hurt and disappointment of being nothing but a badge of faux-ally pride to you.